Being A Single Mother

Hi, my name is Maria. I'm 40 years old and live in Baltimore.

I've known since I was a little girl that I wanted to be a mom. If there was a new baby around, I always had to hold it or play with it. I planned on having kids early like in my early 20-s. But didn't succeed.I even started joking that if I didn't get married by the time I was 35 I would preceed to my plan B which is having kids on my own without any male intervention.

I dated a lot but it just came to the point that I was approaching to turning 37 and I knew my window was closing. My biggest concern was that I was being selfish to have kids who wouldn't know their father at all. A friend of mine said, that everyone who is going to have kids or already has them is selfish because you are choosing to create a life and shape a new personality. But everything after that is pretty selfless. That helped me finally make my decision and I got pregnant through an anonymous donor. This way I gave birth to indentical twin-boys.

I'm a very busy person - I work full time and a nanny comes to my house on weekdays from 7:30 to 5:30. When I get home, the boys and I play, have dinner, do bathtime and night stories. In some ways it's less complicated not to have a man around. I don't have to compromise when it comes to things like values and what to teach my boys. When it came to picking out names, I didn't have to negotiate with anyone. I take up all responsibilities and enjoy being with my boys on my own.

My boys are really boys' boys. They really light up when there are other boys and men around - they like to tumble around. On one hand it makes me sad that right now there isn't someone there all the time. I know I have added dimension to their lives that they are going to have to deal with. But I feel confident enough about my parenting that it's something they'll endure.

I haven't given up on the idea of getting married. I still look for the man that would best match my personality and would be right for my boys. But I wasn't having much luck for the first 20 years that I tried it, so I'm not sure anything is going to change. To me the best part now is just being a mother. It's just everything that I knew it would always be.