it will always find its way

If it’s meant to be it will always find its way. This is true, very true. I mean everything happens for a reason even if it’s bad at one moment it will always have a positive side.

When I was in Middle School I was in love, I had a boyfriend and I loved him so much. His name was Carlos. I would dream about our future together, but come on he was my middle school sweetheart and I would forget about him when we grew up and marry someone else. Or at least that’s what I thought. We loved each other for 2 years; in 8th grade we broke up I was devastated, he was my first love, my only love, but he had changed so much, he wasn’t the same person I had fell in love with. He started hanging out with the bad crowd, doing drugs and getting in trouble. Even though I was sad because we broke up, I thought it was actually the right thing because I thought I deserved someone better. We were just friends in 8th grade but I still had feelings for him and he had feelings for me. One time I had a long talk with him. We talked about our time together, about how much he had changed and how much we still love each other but we didn’t get back together since at the end of 8th grade he would go to a different high school.

The end of 8th grade came and it was time to say good bye forever. I wouldn’t see him anymore at all for the rest of my life. I was sad, very sad and depressed but high school came and everything was so different. I met so many new guys and cute, that I forgot about Carlos in a few months. I only thought about him once in a while, and just wonder how he was doing and if he had forgotten about me. I had new boyfriends, new friends new everything.

In my sophomore year I met this guy. He used to be Carlos’s close friend in middle school. I had totally forgotten about Carlos with him. I thought he was the perfect guy I had been waiting for and that we would be together forever. We were together for a whole year at first he would treat me like a princess but after the 3rd month he started changing. He would yell at me, tell mean stuff and sometimes even hit me when we fought. I was so in love with him that to make him happy we would have sex then he was happy for the rest of the day. One time we got so mad I was really tired of him that I told him it was over he got mad started hitting me and then he raped me. I was so sad but I thought he just did it because he loved me and that was his way of demonstrating it. I started missing my period and I suspected I was pregnant. I took a pregnancy test and it came out as positive. I was so scared, I had just ruined my life but I thought everything would get better, that I would tell my boyfriend, Andrew, and he would get happy and we would marry but nothing happened like that. When I told him, he said I was a slut, and that it wasn’t his. He hit me and told me it was over. I was depressed; I wanted to die and to kill the baby because I thought it was his entire fault that Andrew broke up with me. When I told my parents about me being pregnant they were very disappointed, my dad even kicked me out of the house. I had nowhere to go, so I went with my sister to her apartment. She had her own apartment and worked and told me that if I wanted to stay there I had to work after I had the baby. The nine months, were the worst months of my life I cried every minute, I had really bad cramp. I never thought being pregnant hurt so much.

The day the baby was born I didn’t even want to look at it, he had ruined my life. I couldn’t continue school or do anything I hated the baby. I didn’t even feed him my sister had to do it. She did everything for me. One day I was by myself with the baby and I carried him for the first time, he looked so cute and innocent and I realized it wasn’t his fault nothing was his fault it was only mine. I hugged the baby and cried and kissed him and told him how much I loved him. I continued school and my sister helped me take care of the baby. My senior year was very hard for me. I had lost a lot of friends, I didn’t go out anymore and guys wouldn’t even get close to me since I had a baby. When senior year ended I was happy to graduate I was finally getting out of that prison.

One day while I was at the mall working at a store (that was my job) a guy came in the store. I had my baby there since my sister wasn’t able to take care of it. The guy looked very familiar but I really didn’t pay attention to him. Then he picked some clothes from the store and came up to me to pay. Then he stared at me weird and so did I then he said, “Ashley?” I looked at him and said yes. Then he was all like, remember me? Then I remembered him, it was Carlos. I was so excited to see him. A lot of memories came back. He invited me out to eat when I finished my shift and we did go. The first thing he asked me was about the baby. I was embarrassed to tell him it was mine but I told him. He was very surprised especially when I told him who the dad was and how he had treated me. But he was so nice about it, we both laughed together about our childhood together and all of our stupid things we would do. I remembered how much I had loved him and those feelings started coming back. He had changed so much he didn’t do drugs anymore or didn’t drink. He was so perfect and cute, I couldn’t believe I was in front of that guy I had once loved so much when I was young and I thought I would never see again in my life and now we were just sitting there like old friends me with a baby and him changed. We had both changed so much, being with him made me feel safe and comfy.

When we got out of the restaurant, we went to my apartment. My sister wasn’t there; she had stayed working some extra hours. We sat on the couch and then he told me he had really loved me when we were young and he was never able to forget me. I told him I loved him too, that he was my only first true love. Then he leaned in and kissed me I pushed him because I was really scared of guys now and that they would do the same thing to me as Andrew did. He got embarrassed and got the baby and started playing with the baby. Watching them together gave me a very sentimental feeling, I really wanted a guy to be with me and a dad for my baby and I thought Carlos would be the perfect guy. I called his name he turned around and I kissed him. It was an indescribable feeling what I felt, something I hadn’t felt in a long time. When the night was over I was very happy and I was sure I was in love with him again. Carlos and I started dating and we fell in love with each other. We dated for 2 years and we got married now we live happy, true: we argue but love is stronger. I love him he is an excellent husband and father. Now we are expecting a baby and we are very happy with this new baby. All I can say is that I love Carlos with all my heart.