My Strong Love

This story is based on a true story and is dedicated to my one dear friend...

*Note: The names of the characters are not the real ones.*

It was my first day of high school and no one spoke to me. My best friend now, named Alec, was the first person to talk to me on the second day of high school. He’s very silly, funny, and charming—full of energy. However, he can be quite lazy sometimes.

My first goal in high school was to meet someone and form a strong bond with them. Though Alec was my friend, we didn’t have that great of a bond back in high school. Our bond was just an ordinary friendship bond. There are many times when I’d feel empty. No matter how empty I felt, no one or anything was able to fill it up. Until the second week of high school, that feeling changed.

Alec and I were walking to class together that day. When suddenly, I felt myself shaking—shivering-like. ‘Is it cold in here?’ I asked myself. As I looked up, I saw the back of a young man. My focus was then just on him as I wonder off to dreamland. He was taking out his notebook from the locker and placing it in his backpack. ‘How I love how he zipped up his backpack and carried it upon his small but broad shoulders.’ I thought to myself.

“Let’s make a stop at my locker first before going to class.” Alec said bringing me back to reality. I nodded my head and smiled. As I follow Alec to his locker, I noticed that we were getting closer and closer to that young man. My knees began shaking—making it difficult for me to walk. “Hey, what are you doing? Getting ready for class?” Alec asked, but I knew he wasn’t asking me. “Yeah. Do you need anything in here?” The young man answered while pointing to the locker, as I was shocked of knowing that Alec knows this young man who’s drifted me off the ground for that moment when I first saw him. “Yeah, I need to grab a few notebooks.” Alec answered him. The young man then got up and stood next to me. He turned to look at me and gave me the sweetest smile anyone can give. “Hey, this is one of my friends.” Alec said pointing at me as the young man kept his kind smile on. “Michelle, this is Jesse. He’s one of my closest cousins.” Alec said to me. ‘Cousin? Cousin? You’re both related?’ I thought to myself. “Nice to meet you.” Jesse said to me with having his right hand out for a shake. Looking at his hand, I panicked. “Yes. Me too.” I answered back nervously and quickly shook hands with him for the first time.

Afterwards, he was staring at me as I watch Alec grab his notebooks out of the locker. Those sparkling eyes of his were staring at me gently, and for the first time in my life, I felt comfortable with someone staring at me. When I look back at him, he’d give me his sweet, gentle smile—one that I cannot resist myself from smiling back. During that moment, I felt butterflies flapping in my stomach, which made me chuckle.

After that day, the emptiness feeling disappeared. I became someone who was able to smile to everyone, and every time I saw Jesse, he’d give me his sweet smile and I’d smile back. Though we don’t hang out with each other at all, I enjoyed all of the times of seeing him. He was what made me complete. However, little did I know that this kind person with the sweetest smile was going to leave me.

My first high school year was over and so was summer vacation. After talking to Alec on the second day of my second year of high school, I expected to see Jesse.

As I walk to one of my classes, I saw Jesse walking through a crowd to his class. I quickly walk towards him but by the time I’ve reached the crowd, he was already gone. The next day came and I talked to Alec again. I told him that I saw Jesse yesterday, but didn’t get the chance to talk to him. Alec wondered and then told me that I must have gotten the wrong person. I disagreed and said that I really did saw Jesse. Alec laughed and said that what I said was impossible because Jesse has already moved to another state during the summer. ‘What? Out of state?’ I was shocked. ‘How can that be? I really did saw him yesterday!’ I didn’t believe Alec and thought he was lying. Later, I went to my class and saw Jesse again. This time, I followed him until I was able to see his face. His friends then teased him as he reached them. Right then, I saw his face and discovered that he was not Jesse. Instantly, I was broken into pieces. Alec was telling the truth. Jesse really did move to another state. ‘The last time I saw him was just a hallucination then?’ I thought.

Because Jesse and I weren’t that close to each other, he was unable to let me know beforehand about his leave to another state.

That night, I went home and cried myself to sleep. I didn’t want to accept the fact that he left without wishing me farewell. However, the truth was there, in fact, it was slapped onto my face. Ever since that day, I became quiet again. My smile to everyone faded as I became pale. Alec started to worry as he noticed my shallowness, but no matter how many times he made me crack a smile, the feeling of emptiness was still there.

About one and a half years passed, and I haven’t heard from Jesse since the last time I saw him at the end of my first high school year. Alec told me that over the previous summer, he’s visited Jesse. He told me that Jesse has changed. He wasn’t a small, non-body-built person anymore. He became tall and muscular—attractive to many girls. I was very happy to hear that Jesse was doing well; however, I’ve always wondered if he’d still remember me.

A few weeks passed, Alec and I became closer friends after his break-up with his ex-girlfriend. We began talking on the phone every single day. Sometimes, he’d visit me at my place and we’d sit and talk till dusk. Even if I have someone to accompany me, the feeling of emptiness never left me. Though I smile with cheer to my loved ones, sadness was hidden behind me.

A few weeks later, Alec and I were talking on the phone and I asked him about Jesse for I was curious about how he was doing now. Alec then told me that he spoke to Jesse yesterday on the phone and found out that Jesse was going to join the military. Another lightning thrashed through my chest as these words were pushed in to my ears. I broke out into tears after I’ve ended the conversation early with Alec. ‘He’s joining the military?’ I thought. ‘What am I going to do? Leaving me to another state was already enough pain and now he’s going to join the military?’ I cried harder as I try to remember his face—the sparkling eyes he looks at me with, the gentle smile he gives me, the soft voice from his mouth; the memories are ever so fresh. ‘I must find a way to contact him before he leaves.’ I promised myself.

For my two months of summer vacation, I spent every day trying to look for him on the Internet. After many tries, I was ready to give up. However, something kept me on going and looking. Even if I knew that I could have asked Alec to give me his phone number or email, I didn’t bother asking because I didn’t want Alec to find out that Jesse was what made me complete! Finally, I was seriously ready to give up on my mission.

That evening, I went online and logged onto a website for friends and found Alec on the members’ list. I requested to be on his friends’ list and he accepted me that very minute. We started chatting online and continued chatting for about an hour and a half. Then, Alec told me to wait for him as he grabs something to eat. While waiting for Alec’s return, I went to view his profile and saw Jesse as a friend on his friends’ list. I couldn’t believe my eyes and quickly requested Jesse to be on my friends’ list as I began crying. Then, I sent him a message and hoped for him to respond back to me. That night, I went to sleep happily and worriedly. I was happy that I found Jesse, but was also afraid that he would or already has forgotten me. However, I had no clue why I did not have any second thoughts when I was requesting him to be on my friends’ list.

The next morning was beautiful and bright. The moment I woke up, I went to check my email and saw Jesse’s replied message. I was so happy and filled with joy that I cried while reading it because he hasn’t forgotten me! After a few messages that we’ve sent back and forth to each other, I asked him about military. He told me that he was supposed to leave to his basic training already at the end of the summer, but his date was delayed till the second week of autumn.

After marking my calendar, I’ve found out that autumn was just around the corner. ‘Right when I found him, he has to leave.’ I thought sadly.

During our last weeks together, I became sadder than ever. Autumn arrived within the speed of light and he was getting ready to leave. Finally, the day of his leave came. It was daylight savings; as I changed my clock and marked my calendar, tears ran down my cheeks. I was most dull that day than any other days. Jesse has not yet messaged me farewell as I wait for his message. I waited and waited till dusk and finally received two messages from him. I was very happy that he messaged me but was also very sad that those would be his last messages to me until he returns. While reading his messages, I cried and cried until I wasn’t able to cry anymore. I did not want to accept the fact that he was gone—another strike through my chest.

Right after his leave, I’ve discovered that I have an illness, which may become severe and fatal if I don’t treat it. Due to the fact that I do not believe in prescriptions, I have a choice of trying to stay as healthy as I could. After finding this out, I became paler and duller each day.

During his time in basic training, I’d message him every day and night because I missed him and wanted to talk to him. Every day, I’d wish him good luck before I go through my day. Every night, I’d wish him good night before I go to sleep, and I would hope that I dream of him before I lay in bed. Weeks passed as I count down the days, hours, and seconds. ‘Three months feel like three years, but I must wait for my dear Jesse to return.’ I thought to myself. Finally, three months passed and Jesse messaged me that very morning of his return. I opened his message and cried my eyes out while reading it—like usual. He was still the same Jesse I knew—sweet, kind, loving, and caring.

Now that he’s back, we’d send messages back and forth to each other just like old times. I then began to realize how much I care for him. I care for him so much that I would risk my life saving him from falling off a cliff or getting shot by a bullet. The last thing I’d want to do is hurt him. I wouldn’t want to see him get hurt by me. If others hurt him, I’d be the tissue wiping away his tears and putting his gentle smile back on his face. However, if I hurt him, I wouldn’t forgive myself for doing such thing and would end my life instantly rather than see him get hurt. He is what makes me complete, and what makes me whole.

Though, little do I know if he feels the same for me as I feel for him. And does he care for me as much as I care for him? Will I be able to overcome my shyness and confront him, and find out his true feelings for me? Will he think wrong of me after I tell him my feelings? Are these feelings so-called love? Is this relationship a one-sided love? Was it really fate that brought us back together after this many years? Was it really fate that helped delay time for me to find him before he left to his basic training? Is fate playing with us or is it not? If ever he or I confess that we love each other, then I’d want to cry out of joy, in his arms forever. If ever I find out that he does not feel the same for me, then I’d cry out of sadness, to myself as I let him go forever, and I’d be happy that I once loved a sweet, kind, loving, caring, and gentle person like him—my dear person Jesse.